I have no idea what I am going to blog about today. I have a bunch of thoughts buzzing around my head! A friend, who lives in Morinville, AB- got snow, and I believe it's STILL snowing over there. How is that for luck and happiness?
Most of you know, if you know me well, that I spend hours watching the Weather Network, and countless days praying and hoping we get snow. No idea why, I just love it. It's probably one of the most amazing, and purest forms of love that this earth can give us!
Last year, I could care less because I wasn't awake enough to realize it. But we received snow for pretty much 2 months straight. There was always snow, and the best part? There was SNOW on Christmas!
I remember actually being frustrated that I had to walk home in knee high snow, but then realizing that it's my favorite and falling in love all over.
Although last year the snow was so dry we couldn't even make snow balls out of it!
I got a little excited seeing the first glimpse of snow. It's not like being unattached. Living 2.5 hours from Morinville makes me feel a little more connected to their snowfall, and it makes me appreciate, what if I was still there.
Wow. I can completely agree that this blog is about nothing!

Redemption, what does it mean to most of you? I just read a friends blog, and it got me thinking about this.
What does one have to do do be redeemed, forgiven, wiped clean? I guess it depends on what person you ask. You could ask a Spiritual Person and they would tell you that you need to ask God's forgiveness and it will be wiped away forever. Or you could ask a non-spiritual person and they would pretty much say the same thing, minus God.
I was wondering how come, if both people, who believe in different things believe the same thing, then how come redemption is so hard come by?

As many of you know I've been going to counseling for the last few months, not because I am "so messed up", because I'm not. I am going to get rid of the anger I have against a few spiritual people.
I have it in my head that I am redeemed. I have made many mistakes in the past, but don't we all? We do everyday. So who is to judge?
I have made it a path for myself as of now, and since I moved to Campbell River, to live a honest, pure and honoring life.
So does this mean that those spiritual friends, followers, leaders should bring my past with me, and treat me as the same a before?
God sais, let her slate be wiped clean. This doesn't mean I haven't done those things, but it means they don't affect my future, they affect my past!
Why do we so often live in the past? Is it that we like to feel resentment towards another?

In the last year, I have lost quite a few friends, because of my crazy so called lifestyle.
-Partying
-Care Free Lifestyle
-Martial Status

and many others, but the true and honest friends and family have stuck by me. It makes me sad sometimes to remember me before I "lost to the world", but then you realize that they were never really there for you in the first place.

Writing this post I am a tad angry. Just a little bit though, maybe a 3. I feel that we as people shouldn't validate ourselves by good looks, a clean life in church and a quiet mouth. What would our world be? It would be heaven! Things happen that shape us all, and we learn to go on and live. It reshapes us, not always for the better, but in some cases it's positive.
I have learnt that everyday is a new day. Today's worries are are tomorrows. I have learnt to but silent in Judging others, because it hurts and most of the time it's completely off course. I have learnt to be caring and loving even when I don't feel the need to. I have learnt to reshape my selfish nature into a more patient and giving nature. I have learnt to be patient..and the list goes on.
But it's a ongoing process. It hurts, but it brings you to even better grounds!

So for those of you who can't accept me back in your life, you are loosing. Loosing the battle of forgiveness.

That brings me to another point. How did I directly hurt you? --and maybe it's time to book another counseling appointment.

The Worst Pregnancy Ever..!

Well, those who have been pregnant (most), understand the title. Before you get pregnant people say being pregnant was amazing, and wonderful. A time of patience and rest. They say you feel amazing, hair, skin, body and soul. The story on it is that it's fun, the worst part is giving birth.
Well this is definitely not what Myself, and many others think.

The other day I was talking to my friend who gave birth to her beautiful baby girl Seven months ago, and she was saying that the bad is never talked about, and people never tell you... and when you actually are put in the situation, boom, you find out!
Being pregnant is not easy at all, and the easiest part? Your emotions. The media sais this is one of the only downfalls of pregnancy's dazzle.
From the start I've had bad morning sickness, lost 19 pounds in the first four months, and then I went from morning sickness to such bad back and rib and neck pain. No appetite, dizziness, fluid loss at all times of the day and night ( I wont go into that one, but it's not peeing ), my skin hasn't been all that pregnancy cracks it up to be, and the most unpleasant thing is you constantly feel depressed and overly exhausted, and you don't feel like leaving your couch--always achy and you feel gross.
That explains a pregnancy. Well, the few I know about and mine. This doesn't mean I'm not happy though, you learn to work through it all. After 5.5 months of dealing with being sick everyday, soon it becomes normal and you learn to laugh and do normal things again.

Today I awoke for the 18th time to have the worst back, neck and joint pain--ever. I also woke up and thought I was loosing the baby because my whole stomach felt like it was going to explode, it was extremely tight and I couldn't feel anything moving.
Is that good for complaining? So, if you ever ask me how I feel, this is it. But I usually will say, great. Because emotionally and mentally I am, and this will ALL be worth it in 4 months!
So what's the easy part? There isn't really any, just make sure you love kids before you think of getting pregnant, because it will always be busy and hard from here on out!
Love you Baby!