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Tuesday, December 1, 2009

It Still Lingers When I Am Weak

Well, It's another sleepless night for this little lady of almost 30 weeks pregnant. I came across a upsetting email from a year ago that brought up many old emotions.
I've gone through counseling to try to 'seal the old wounds', but sometimes things just take time.
I thought I had healed, and the hurt had gone, but I guess I was wrong.
Every emotion I felt a year ago now is coming up. I know I am in a completely different place now, and life is different but it still hurts, and it hurts to know that those few people that I had so much anger towards aren't sorry, and still believe and spread the same things.
It's been difficult to try to move past it. I like to linger on things for a while. I tell myself to forget it and move on, while my heart burns with hurt and anger.
Oh, it's a toughie.
This year I face similar battles, but since it's been over a year they are more brushed under the rug. I don't feel it's fair that I have to forgive and move on, but then again that's what the bigger person would do.
I feel like I'm always complaining or posting about this.
I am completely happy with my life, but I don't know who to talk to about this. I don't want to bother anyone with my complaining, I guess life is just hard and you gotta learn to suck it up.
Not everyone is going to love you and what you're doing all the time.
On the other hand, I do have quite a few good amazing friends and family who I know I can count on.
Sometimes I wish I could wake up and everything and everyone would be normal. I feel normal, I feel alive and blessed and at peace. But life or more memories tend to remind me that I shouldn't feel this way, and I am sinning and I am wrong.

This is all I have for tonight. I am so weak right now, I am unable to brush off the thoughts.

Sunday, November 29, 2009

It's Christmas In My World At Last




Few shots of the very eventful day! I love Christmas time, can you tell?