The never ending blogger that complains.

It seems everywhere I look I see perfection. But then again, I also see sadness, anger and hurt.
It's December, my favorite time of year. I had so many plans for this month.. I had so many places I wanted to go, things I wanted to go, see, do.
It seemed those plans went down the drain when the income that we once had also went down the drain.
It seems even trips up to Mount Washington, which would of usually been inexpensive, are now too expensive. We can't afford 30-40 dollars in gas, to just waste.
It seems that stress has been taking a big toll on my life these days. I don't sleep, and I don't take joy in the small things anymore.
I don't talk to many about it because I don't like complaining. I've been trying really hard since august to be content with what has been given to me. I've been trying really hard to be a new me, to live each day as my last.. and enjoy every moment with Chloe and Glen ( and Paayton safety in my tummy)
but lately I find myself struggling. One moment I will be upset, coveting my friends and saying "why me", and the next I find myself content in my cozy little house with a cup of tea.
I want to be the one who stays in a content state. I just constantly go back to the plans I had, and they tear me apart.
I had 24 things on my list 'To do', and I may only be able to complete half of that list, if that.
Why does money have to control our world so much? Why do we let money run us, and why do things need to be so costly?
I have everything I could want. I am blessed with a puppy who jumps on my lap and snuggles in when I am upset. A bed, which is overly comfy! A cozy fireplace to drink my tea in front of, a beautiful Christmas Tree... and the list goes on.
But why can't I be content? It's a question I've been struggling with for a while now..
My Gramma dropped off a book in my mailbox last week, and it's called "Get Over Yourself!", the title seems a bit brash, but it's a really neat book.
I've only read 50 pages out of the 200 pages it is. But, so far it helps you let God in and realize that Satan can and will attack through all 5 senses.
When we feel content, this is from God. When we feel jealous, and upset- "Oh why me?!", this is from Satan.
A few moments ago, I literally looked up on Google, "How to enjoy Christmas without money". It came up with a few awesome ideas, but in the back of my mind I still kept thinking ' I wanted to buy clothes for Paayton and I wanted that Volcom cardigan and I wanted to get that Nixon watch for Glen.'
I think it's always a fight against flesh.. and don't get me wrong.. I have many other issues in my life, but I find money seems to be a frequent issue that pops up.
It's funny how we let things control us. My book talks about how we let our emotions control us. We don't have to have a horrible day, but we let one thing pick at us and ruin our day.
Something I've been telling myself for the last little while is " whenever you think life is unfair, think of all the blessings you have."
I also try to live in the day, and not think about the needs of the future.
But life is so much more complicated than those two statements.
I should be giving these worries to God more often than I am.. but my earthly flesh will say, "God can't physically fix your problems so don't bother".

I guess this blog is really about my flesh fighting with the Good. Something I've been struggling with, and I think I will continue to struggle with until I die.
When can a person truly be content? I don't know one person who is 100% content.
The economy is in such bad shape right now I doubt many are content, and it's hard to be patient.. but God is good.. and I have to remember this above all.

It Still Lingers When I Am Weak

Well, It's another sleepless night for this little lady of almost 30 weeks pregnant. I came across a upsetting email from a year ago that brought up many old emotions.
I've gone through counseling to try to 'seal the old wounds', but sometimes things just take time.
I thought I had healed, and the hurt had gone, but I guess I was wrong.
Every emotion I felt a year ago now is coming up. I know I am in a completely different place now, and life is different but it still hurts, and it hurts to know that those few people that I had so much anger towards aren't sorry, and still believe and spread the same things.
It's been difficult to try to move past it. I like to linger on things for a while. I tell myself to forget it and move on, while my heart burns with hurt and anger.
Oh, it's a toughie.
This year I face similar battles, but since it's been over a year they are more brushed under the rug. I don't feel it's fair that I have to forgive and move on, but then again that's what the bigger person would do.
I feel like I'm always complaining or posting about this.
I am completely happy with my life, but I don't know who to talk to about this. I don't want to bother anyone with my complaining, I guess life is just hard and you gotta learn to suck it up.
Not everyone is going to love you and what you're doing all the time.
On the other hand, I do have quite a few good amazing friends and family who I know I can count on.
Sometimes I wish I could wake up and everything and everyone would be normal. I feel normal, I feel alive and blessed and at peace. But life or more memories tend to remind me that I shouldn't feel this way, and I am sinning and I am wrong.

This is all I have for tonight. I am so weak right now, I am unable to brush off the thoughts.

It's Christmas In My World At Last

Few shots of the very eventful day! I love Christmas time, can you tell?

Top Things To Do At Christmas

Hello everyone,

So as of today I've decided on a list of events Glen and I will do until Christmas day. Here's the list so far, have any more ideas?? Post a comment!

1. Buy Tree&Decorate it with a tree party
2. Decorate Indoors more
3. Make Christmas treats & Christmas treat baskets
4. salt dough tree hangings
5. Christmas oranges
6. Got to Bethlehem in Parksville
7. Get Christmas Gifts
8. Wrap gifts together, make art out of the presents
9. Watch a Christmas Movie in Theaters
10.Get 2 Starbucks Christmas Mugs
11.Go Sledding
12.Build a Snowman
13.Write Christmas Cards
14.Walk down 5th street with a Latte at night
16.go for a drive a week before Christmas and look at all the lights
17.Han Mistletoe
18.Watch the New York Santa Claus Parade
19.Visit Santa at the Mall
20.Go Ice skating
21.Make a Ginger Bread house
22.fondue night

Nothing At All.

Well, I thought I should post something since it's been a week or so.. I've just had nothing to blog. I've gone no where exciting, done nothing really amazing..
Over the past week it's been a roller coaster, with financial's and all...
We've spent tons of time with family, and watched lots of movies. Did I mention the two HUGE storms we endured?
Starting with the first storm, when did it hit, last Sunday night? Huge, it not only flooded the Comox Valley, but lots of store owners found themselves out of work Monday morning due to flooding.
The mayor claimed Monday morning that it was a "State Of Emergency".
Then, Wednesday afternoon the second storm hit, I'm surprised that we made it home by car. The winds were blowing our car left and the rain was coming in sheets, we couldn't see 5 feet ahead of us.
We then proceeded to get home in which we had no groceries, so we either pay 20 bucks for a Large Cheese Pizza, or we head to the store in the storm to get some real food.
We chose the real food. Bad choice? Yes.
From the previous storm our car engine had been flooded, so we needed to put a tarp under the hood every time we parked, so it would start again. We pulled into the Superstore parking lot, and glen put the tarp on, and the wind slammed the hood shut.
We went in, and did our 1.5 hour shop, came out loaded the car.. and to our surprise we couldn't open the hood.
So, glen was out pulling and cutting the tarp out from under the hood. He couldn't get it all so we decided just to drive with it partially under. Me being a worry freak, I was crying the whole way home thinking we were going to die.
We actually arrived home safely, and the hood decided to pop open for us when we got home.
We got our car fixed a few days after that!


If that wasn't a great story, then I don't have anything else. My mom and I recovered my Glider I bought off Mom Swap. It looks fantastic..

This blog is beyond horrible.

Blessed to be Blessed.

It's funny how things work out when you least expect it? It's funny how we stress and worry about things we can't control, and in the end of the day it usually works itself out.
Our car recently broke down, after putting a huge chunk of cash into it in August, and new snow tires on it a month ago..
We were stressed out, it's fine if it would of broke down a week ago, or in a week.. but since it came at a bad time we were strapped.
The engine wont work when it's wet, so basically it was a NEED that we got it fixed asap.
Yes, it does rain quite a bit in BC, but Campbell River is a little over the top!
I wont say how we are going to be fixing it, I will just say Glen is smart and a hard worker!
Thank Goodness for blessings.

P.S here's a shot from the mtn (if you're not on facebook already to see it)

Baby-a-Crazy!

So I was talking to a friend and she said this might be helpful. I'm not sure how many family members will be reading my blog. But as for baby showers go, here's a list of things I will be in need of. I plan to buy most of it myself because I'm not sure how practical baby showers are as I've never experienced or had one.
So let me start off the list with a crib.

We indeed have one now, but there has been this one at Liquidation World in Campbell River, I believe there is a black and a creme/white. They are super chic/modern looking and I was going to replace my 25 dollar crib with this baby.
I ideally wanted everyone to pitch in money for this crib, it prices at 289.99, but ideally people probably want to buy individual presents, so that might have to be a expense out of my own pocket.


I need a baby video Monitor, Baby bath stuff; shampoo, soap
Baby Diapers, Wipes and accessories.


Things I already have:
Lots of clothes, although if you want to get me something from my registry on babygap.com, you can too.
Jumperoo, Baby vibrating chair, Car seat, swing, bumbo, bumper pads, cribskirt and sheets, Nursing cover, jogging stroller, stroller, rain cover, bottles, Crib mattress, two pairs of ugg boots (so NO shoes as they wont be worn), baby bath, binky and soothers.

I understand if my 'need' list exceeds what will be given, I am just giving a general outline of what you can gift me if you don't know what to get! Or, you can get whatever you want.. if you get anything!

Cute baby blankets, toys and socks and such.
Remember Paayton is a manly little boy!