what comes with rain and drains with the rain.

So, waking up today I wasn't exceptionally sad, nor was I exceptionally happy. I was neutral. It's a feeling as there is nothing to look forward to, nothing to be upset about, and nothing to be excited about.
I feel fat, and emotionally out of control and I feel ungrounded.
Maybe those thoughts come with being almost 36 weeks pregnant, but I can't help but feel like my life has now ended and I have no way out.
At the end of the month Glen and I have to move to the Comox Valley as living in Campbell River is not only unpractical but expensive. Living itself here is cheap, but the gas costs, cell phone bills etc have been too high to continue on with.
Glen is now working 6-7 days a week in Comox, so piled with his 10 hour work day, he has 2 hours of driving to do as well.
I can't help and feel a bit stressed out. What if Paayton decides to come out before we move?
Ontop of that we can't find a decent place to move into. For the last month Craigslist has been circulating the same crappy places. I will miss my friends and family in Campbell River. I love it here..The Comox valley represents depression and a dead hole to me. I just don't feel like trying to feel comfortable there.
Life is so frustrating. Just when you feel content and in love with you life, it gets pulled out from underneath you and you have to start over.
Maybe these thoughts come with the hard rain and heavy winds that circle my little house today.. or maybe I'm just tired.
Last week I had a scare with my placenta coming off my utarian wall, and I was in and out of the hospital quite a bit. I will be heading back in tonight, and again on Thursday for another rush ultrasound. Maybe Birth stresses me out a bit too.. I don't deal with pain well. As much as I want to meet Paayton, what if I am a terrible mom?
It's stated on babycenter.com that 2 out of 5 moms will experience postpartum depression BEFORE the baby arrives. Maybe that can explain everything?
I'm not complaining, but we've had a rough go in the last couple of months.. and I just want to relax.
Well, as this is a negative post, I'm sorry. I just needed to get some things off of my chest. Isn't that what blogs are for?

new hair, new love.

So, this last couple of weeks have been a blur, but something I was meaning to do, I never got done! On the 23rd of December I got my hair done by a friend and amazing stylist, Katie Dowe.
I had previously gone to "Roots", and they had completely ruined my hair. Maybe it had a fact to do with that the stylist was half drunk.. but none-the-less.. it looked terribly orange.
Two months later after using purple shampoo's, correctional conditioners and taking extremely good care of it, I took the plunge and tried "The Head Shed".
Not only did she do a amazing job, the atmosphere is anything but superficial. Most salons you walk into and you get attitude. You're treated as a client, and it's an overall unpleasant atmosphere. It's a 'Need to be done' to get your hair done.
As soon as I walked into the Head Shed I was greeted by a few girls. Not only did we have great conversation the whole time, other stylists who weren't even doing my hair talked to me as well. The atmosphere came off as super hip and in, but friendly and comfortable.
So let me stop boasting about the atmosphere and tell you about their decore. It was so gorgeous as well, very modern and cozy. It's probably one of the more modern salons I've been in. Including the expensive salons I used to hit up in Vancouver. Juice (Yaletown), Mohair (Gastown).
OK, so can I get to my hair?
I know a bit about hair, growing up with a hairdresser as my mother, she taught me a few tricks. I know not to brush my hair with a brush when wet, never to dye hair straight blond from dark brown. Not to ruin hair with heat everyday etc. I've noticed that some stylist in salons completely by pass the rules. I will leave this person anonymous, but when my hair was done processing, she washed it out.. she washed it out, yes, but she forgot to rinse under my hair. ( so at the roots in the back of my head there was dye in it still ), and on top of that, much to my shock, she took a huge brush to my wet, tangled hair.
Like what? - This was at the point I was in tears. I had spent a butt load of my hard worked money, when I could of gone to my dear momma and gotten a MUCH better, professional job.
Lesson number one I had to learn.
Anyways, after I sat in my chair at the Head Shed, she automatically had picked out color for my hair. It was perfect. She not only dyed my hair a phenomenal color, but styled my hair how I wanted, I was a smokin' preggo when I got up from that chair!
P.S yes, most salons DON'T style your hair how you want..ask any girl who is a salon jumper.

Regardless of this long post, I wanted to say thanks Katie! You're awesome, and you did a amazing job. I am officially now, head shed hooked.
Try them. Kill it.

P.S I feel retarded. I called her Katie Dawn by total preggo fluke. Sorry Jess Dawn.. Anyways, if you have read my post, it's Katie Dowe.. but scratch the last name just look for the brunette/blond hottie with pink hair products ( brush, straightener etc)

This afternoon my Gramma came over to drop off Paayton's first gift! So wonderful, a precious moments keepsake book, and a blue/white onsie and a fleece and Elephant rattle. I am so blessed!
It made me think that wow, Paayton could be here really soon! Due date is the 29th of January, but I am ready in case he decides to come out early.. I have a history in my family of babies coming very early.. so I am starting to pack the baby bag.
I am so not ready yet. I want to meet him really bad, and I'm sick of feeling fat and sick 24/7, but I don't think I'm ready to meet the most pain of my life!
Paayton weighs roughly 6 pounds now, so hopefully his gain slows down a bit so in case I do go until 40 weeks he wont be a huge baby!
So exciting, and so much to think about.. luckily everything is ready for him, even if he came in a hour.

Also, I've a baby shower on the 13th of January. One of my best friends Erica Paemoller is planning it for me. I am not the one inviting or planning, but if you wanted to just come and share in the night with us. Let me know!

2010.

I Hope 2010 is good to me. I've had a 'fun' last two years, and I'm looking forward to what this year may bring.
So far, 1 minute after new years struck 12, my phone service got turned off, and then I accidentally split bleach on my beige carpet, which now has white blotches all over it. I'm hoping this isn't a sneak peak of all year!
I don't believe it will be.. this year should be great! I have many things to be grateful for, a baby in a few weeks. Glen, Chloe.. and peace. We will see where this year takes me.
As for now, HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!

8.5 Months.

I feel as though I've come so far! 8.5 months, it's so exciting, yet so scary. Pregnancy hasn't been a easy ride, but it's also kind of neat. You feel the baby kick, and you feel pain and things you've never felt before. Definitely a new experience.

Tomorrow I have one of my last ultrasounds, 34 weeks. I am hoping Paayton arrives early as my WHOLE Dyck side has had babies early. Ie: grandma, mom, aunt etc..
All between 35-37 weeks.
If that's the case, Paayton would arrive anywhere between 1 week-3 weeks.. which would be SOOO exciting!
Anyways, just thought I would blog this as it's a accomplishment for me. Almost done, yet still so long to wait!

The Best Christmas Ever.

As the blog title sais this was the best Christmas ever! I didn't feel too christmasy up until the last few hours, but it all panned out and it was great!
Glen lost his job in late November, and we've been living off almost nothing. We found out on the 23rd of December that he also wasn't approved for EI ( because he moved to Campbell River for School), so that big cheque we were counting on at the end of December, also isn't coming.
We were devastated, we have no way to pay rent, and we still haven't figured it out. On top of that, on the night of the 23rd our tire blew up, with nothing open we had to borrow my parents van, and drive up on the 24th in the early morning to get it fixed.
We had to buy two tires because when we got our all seasons on in October we accidentally threw away the spare.
With all of this happening we decided that we were going to put it behind us for now and not let it bug us.
With 26.97 in our bank account on the 25th we decided that money didn't matter.. and it didn't-- well, until you get back to reality anyways. hehe

Christmas eve we went to the service at 6:30 at Resonate church, which was held at Crown Isle.
Shortly after we went to my parents for A oil Fondue with shrimp, onion rings, pork, turkey, cheese balls, etc.
After this we went over to Glens grandparents for some family time.

I got home to my parents around 12, and slept in the spare room with my little fur ball, we woke up at 7 am to Christmas morning!
I opened presents with my parents at 7:45 am, and the went over to glens moms at 9 for our present opening there. We stayed there until about 11, then went to my parents for our Christmas morning breakfast! SO GOOD!
At 12, we went over to Glens Dad's for Present opening and a movie.. then at 4, we headed over to Glens Moms for turkey Dinner and more presents!
and the night wasn't over...
At 8:00 we headed back to CR for presents and dessert at my Grandma Hansens.
The 26th, we slept in for some MUCH needed sleep and at 3 we went over to my Gramma Dyck's for Christmas Dinner and Presents.. it was all so fun, and the family is the best part!
Christmas is all about Jesus' birth and family. Not presents and expensive things.

Glen and I didn't spend a cent on each other this year, but we were more than blessed from our family this year. Thank you.
I have come to realize that family is the best gift of all. Of course we know this, but it's nice to get a big reminder once in a while, even if it's a overly rushed Christmas day!

As of now we still don't know how we're going to pay our 800 rent, but I'm hoping God provides. I can only hope and pray.

Thanks to all of you who made this holiday the best I can remember in a long time!!

Christmas is gone.

Does anyone else feel really un-christmasy? It's SO weird.. It felt more like Christmas in November than it does now. I know I'm not alone, many feel this way.
Anyone know why? I try hard to keep the spirit, but it's gone.