The never ending blogger that complains.

It seems everywhere I look I see perfection. But then again, I also see sadness, anger and hurt.
It's December, my favorite time of year. I had so many plans for this month.. I had so many places I wanted to go, things I wanted to go, see, do.
It seemed those plans went down the drain when the income that we once had also went down the drain.
It seems even trips up to Mount Washington, which would of usually been inexpensive, are now too expensive. We can't afford 30-40 dollars in gas, to just waste.
It seems that stress has been taking a big toll on my life these days. I don't sleep, and I don't take joy in the small things anymore.
I don't talk to many about it because I don't like complaining. I've been trying really hard since august to be content with what has been given to me. I've been trying really hard to be a new me, to live each day as my last.. and enjoy every moment with Chloe and Glen ( and Paayton safety in my tummy)
but lately I find myself struggling. One moment I will be upset, coveting my friends and saying "why me", and the next I find myself content in my cozy little house with a cup of tea.
I want to be the one who stays in a content state. I just constantly go back to the plans I had, and they tear me apart.
I had 24 things on my list 'To do', and I may only be able to complete half of that list, if that.
Why does money have to control our world so much? Why do we let money run us, and why do things need to be so costly?
I have everything I could want. I am blessed with a puppy who jumps on my lap and snuggles in when I am upset. A bed, which is overly comfy! A cozy fireplace to drink my tea in front of, a beautiful Christmas Tree... and the list goes on.
But why can't I be content? It's a question I've been struggling with for a while now..
My Gramma dropped off a book in my mailbox last week, and it's called "Get Over Yourself!", the title seems a bit brash, but it's a really neat book.
I've only read 50 pages out of the 200 pages it is. But, so far it helps you let God in and realize that Satan can and will attack through all 5 senses.
When we feel content, this is from God. When we feel jealous, and upset- "Oh why me?!", this is from Satan.
A few moments ago, I literally looked up on Google, "How to enjoy Christmas without money". It came up with a few awesome ideas, but in the back of my mind I still kept thinking ' I wanted to buy clothes for Paayton and I wanted that Volcom cardigan and I wanted to get that Nixon watch for Glen.'
I think it's always a fight against flesh.. and don't get me wrong.. I have many other issues in my life, but I find money seems to be a frequent issue that pops up.
It's funny how we let things control us. My book talks about how we let our emotions control us. We don't have to have a horrible day, but we let one thing pick at us and ruin our day.
Something I've been telling myself for the last little while is " whenever you think life is unfair, think of all the blessings you have."
I also try to live in the day, and not think about the needs of the future.
But life is so much more complicated than those two statements.
I should be giving these worries to God more often than I am.. but my earthly flesh will say, "God can't physically fix your problems so don't bother".

I guess this blog is really about my flesh fighting with the Good. Something I've been struggling with, and I think I will continue to struggle with until I die.
When can a person truly be content? I don't know one person who is 100% content.
The economy is in such bad shape right now I doubt many are content, and it's hard to be patient.. but God is good.. and I have to remember this above all.