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Wednesday, December 30, 2009

8.5 Months.


I feel as though I've come so far! 8.5 months, it's so exciting, yet so scary. Pregnancy hasn't been a easy ride, but it's also kind of neat. You feel the baby kick, and you feel pain and things you've never felt before. Definitely a new experience.

Tomorrow I have one of my last ultrasounds, 34 weeks. I am hoping Paayton arrives early as my WHOLE Dyck side has had babies early. Ie: grandma, mom, aunt etc..
All between 35-37 weeks.
If that's the case, Paayton would arrive anywhere between 1 week-3 weeks.. which would be SOOO exciting!
Anyways, just thought I would blog this as it's a accomplishment for me. Almost done, yet still so long to wait!

Sunday, December 27, 2009

The Best Christmas Ever.




As the blog title sais this was the best Christmas ever! I didn't feel too christmasy up until the last few hours, but it all panned out and it was great!
Glen lost his job in late November, and we've been living off almost nothing. We found out on the 23rd of December that he also wasn't approved for EI ( because he moved to Campbell River for School), so that big cheque we were counting on at the end of December, also isn't coming.
We were devastated, we have no way to pay rent, and we still haven't figured it out. On top of that, on the night of the 23rd our tire blew up, with nothing open we had to borrow my parents van, and drive up on the 24th in the early morning to get it fixed.
We had to buy two tires because when we got our all seasons on in October we accidentally threw away the spare.
With all of this happening we decided that we were going to put it behind us for now and not let it bug us.
With 26.97 in our bank account on the 25th we decided that money didn't matter.. and it didn't-- well, until you get back to reality anyways. hehe

Christmas eve we went to the service at 6:30 at Resonate church, which was held at Crown Isle.
Shortly after we went to my parents for A oil Fondue with shrimp, onion rings, pork, turkey, cheese balls, etc.
After this we went over to Glens grandparents for some family time.

I got home to my parents around 12, and slept in the spare room with my little fur ball, we woke up at 7 am to Christmas morning!
I opened presents with my parents at 7:45 am, and the went over to glens moms at 9 for our present opening there. We stayed there until about 11, then went to my parents for our Christmas morning breakfast! SO GOOD!
At 12, we went over to Glens Dad's for Present opening and a movie.. then at 4, we headed over to Glens Moms for turkey Dinner and more presents!
and the night wasn't over...
At 8:00 we headed back to CR for presents and dessert at my Grandma Hansens.
The 26th, we slept in for some MUCH needed sleep and at 3 we went over to my Gramma Dyck's for Christmas Dinner and Presents.. it was all so fun, and the family is the best part!
Christmas is all about Jesus' birth and family. Not presents and expensive things.

Glen and I didn't spend a cent on each other this year, but we were more than blessed from our family this year. Thank you.
I have come to realize that family is the best gift of all. Of course we know this, but it's nice to get a big reminder once in a while, even if it's a overly rushed Christmas day!

As of now we still don't know how we're going to pay our 800 rent, but I'm hoping God provides. I can only hope and pray.

Thanks to all of you who made this holiday the best I can remember in a long time!!

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Christmas is gone.


Does anyone else feel really un-christmasy? It's SO weird.. It felt more like Christmas in November than it does now. I know I'm not alone, many feel this way.
Anyone know why? I try hard to keep the spirit, but it's gone.

Saturday, December 19, 2009

Bad Baby Talk.


So, lately I've felt really bad. Glen and I sat down the other night and talked about this.. and we've been so selfish.
We're having our first baby and when it comes to buying things for our baby we're SO picky.. we just want everything to be perfect.
I'm completely done the baby room, we've clothes, toys, bedding, strollers, etc. everything down to soothers for our baby.. we're set, and when we hear about people giving us stuff we are like "well why didn't they ask us what we wanted or need something"
We've come to the conclusion that it's really not our right, and it's completely selfish of us to think. People aren't obligated to give us anything, but if they do, it's a blessing that they even thought of Paayton.
It's so hard since this is my first baby I want him to be perfect, to have everything he wants, and to be the best looking baby..
But I realized that those things aren't important. The most important thing will be laying in bed with him and just looking at the miracle he is!
Material things can't compare to what it will actually be like to have a baby in my arms.
So, if I or Glen have come across as selfish or picky, it is only because this is our first.. and we have no idea how to act. We don't know what it's like to have a baby yet, so right now we can only comprehend the material things.

Before I saw having a baby like having a giant "wedding shower", you have a list or a registry of things you want/need, and people picked one thing to buy..
but it doesn't work like that. People give to bless the baby in his new beginnings.

If you, or anyone gives our family anything in the future, just know it will be welcomed as a huge blessing!

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Pregnancy!


Hey, I laughed out loud when I read this.. thought I would share with you. ( this list is a few of the discomforts we love.

What They Forgot To Tell You About Pregnancy

What it feels like to have your ribs used as footrests...from the inside.

That sometimes it appears like you have a strange alien creature with 10 arms and legs about to burst out your belly button...ewww!!

That you will probably want to go out and buy a box of adult diapers for the amount of times you end up peeing in your underwear while coughing, sneezing, laughing or throwing up.

That by the end of your pregnancy, you will need a forklift to help get you off the couch or bed (or at least one really strong person).

That even the silliest of things will make you cry your eyes out.

How many times you will have to call the doctor about all your super embarrassing female questions.

That the toilet will become your new "best friend" or "second home" for at least one reason or another.

That you don't really know the meaning of a full bladder until you've had to do an ultrasound....or been kicked there from the inside.

How bad those mood swings really can be...watch out everyone!

That you will get so big, you will have to stand sideways when washing dishes, doing laundry or brushing your teeth.

That everybody else around you apparently is a pregnancy expert, especially your mother in law.

That you won't be cutting your own toenails for quite a few months if you can't get anyone to help you.

Forget about shaving for quite a while too...unless you REALLY trust your partner!

That it becomes really hard to squat over the toilet with all that extra weight...talk about good leg exercises!

That the simplest of things, like walking up a flight of stairs or walking to get the mail, would make you feel like you really need a nap.

That people suddenly feel like they have the right to rub and pat your growing belly...like it's not attached to the rest of you.

That the word "discharge" would become a common part of your vocabulary....and the scary thing is...you won't be embarrassed!

That they just don't make sexy bras in DD's. It's all about support, support and more support!

Sexy underwear...you can forget those too! Comfort and cotton...that's it!

That you will never look at your husband quite the same again.

That your breasts start leaking BEFORE the baby is even here yet.

That you will cry when strangers say to you, "any day now?", when you are only 6 months along.

That whoever coined the term "morning sickness" didn't know what they were talking about. What it should be named is "morning, midday, afternoon, evening and night sickness".

What it actually feels like to be kicked or headbutted in the cervix..owww!!

That rolling over in bed from one side of your body to the other is a huge chore requiring lots of huffing and puffing.

That the sleepless nights begin BEFORE the baby is born.

That you had better buy some slip on shoes for when you get real big...unless you are going to have someone around to tie your shoes for you.

That you will spend so much time cleaning and re-cleaning the same exact things over and over again in preparation for the baby's arrival.

That you won't care how much of a pig you look like when you gobble down your second full plate of food...much to every one's amazement!

That memory is.....darn it! What was I going to say?

That you can both hysterically laugh and hysterically cry within the same few moments.

That your sense of smell is a lot better than it used to be, especially when it comes to the things that make you nauseous.

That you will start to break out in pimples like you are going through puberty all over again

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

The never ending blogger that complains.

It seems everywhere I look I see perfection. But then again, I also see sadness, anger and hurt.
It's December, my favorite time of year. I had so many plans for this month.. I had so many places I wanted to go, things I wanted to go, see, do.
It seemed those plans went down the drain when the income that we once had also went down the drain.
It seems even trips up to Mount Washington, which would of usually been inexpensive, are now too expensive. We can't afford 30-40 dollars in gas, to just waste.
It seems that stress has been taking a big toll on my life these days. I don't sleep, and I don't take joy in the small things anymore.
I don't talk to many about it because I don't like complaining. I've been trying really hard since august to be content with what has been given to me. I've been trying really hard to be a new me, to live each day as my last.. and enjoy every moment with Chloe and Glen ( and Paayton safety in my tummy)
but lately I find myself struggling. One moment I will be upset, coveting my friends and saying "why me", and the next I find myself content in my cozy little house with a cup of tea.
I want to be the one who stays in a content state. I just constantly go back to the plans I had, and they tear me apart.
I had 24 things on my list 'To do', and I may only be able to complete half of that list, if that.
Why does money have to control our world so much? Why do we let money run us, and why do things need to be so costly?
I have everything I could want. I am blessed with a puppy who jumps on my lap and snuggles in when I am upset. A bed, which is overly comfy! A cozy fireplace to drink my tea in front of, a beautiful Christmas Tree... and the list goes on.
But why can't I be content? It's a question I've been struggling with for a while now..
My Gramma dropped off a book in my mailbox last week, and it's called "Get Over Yourself!", the title seems a bit brash, but it's a really neat book.
I've only read 50 pages out of the 200 pages it is. But, so far it helps you let God in and realize that Satan can and will attack through all 5 senses.
When we feel content, this is from God. When we feel jealous, and upset- "Oh why me?!", this is from Satan.
A few moments ago, I literally looked up on Google, "How to enjoy Christmas without money". It came up with a few awesome ideas, but in the back of my mind I still kept thinking ' I wanted to buy clothes for Paayton and I wanted that Volcom cardigan and I wanted to get that Nixon watch for Glen.'
I think it's always a fight against flesh.. and don't get me wrong.. I have many other issues in my life, but I find money seems to be a frequent issue that pops up.
It's funny how we let things control us. My book talks about how we let our emotions control us. We don't have to have a horrible day, but we let one thing pick at us and ruin our day.
Something I've been telling myself for the last little while is " whenever you think life is unfair, think of all the blessings you have."
I also try to live in the day, and not think about the needs of the future.
But life is so much more complicated than those two statements.
I should be giving these worries to God more often than I am.. but my earthly flesh will say, "God can't physically fix your problems so don't bother".

I guess this blog is really about my flesh fighting with the Good. Something I've been struggling with, and I think I will continue to struggle with until I die.
When can a person truly be content? I don't know one person who is 100% content.
The economy is in such bad shape right now I doubt many are content, and it's hard to be patient.. but God is good.. and I have to remember this above all.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

It Still Lingers When I Am Weak

Well, It's another sleepless night for this little lady of almost 30 weeks pregnant. I came across a upsetting email from a year ago that brought up many old emotions.
I've gone through counseling to try to 'seal the old wounds', but sometimes things just take time.
I thought I had healed, and the hurt had gone, but I guess I was wrong.
Every emotion I felt a year ago now is coming up. I know I am in a completely different place now, and life is different but it still hurts, and it hurts to know that those few people that I had so much anger towards aren't sorry, and still believe and spread the same things.
It's been difficult to try to move past it. I like to linger on things for a while. I tell myself to forget it and move on, while my heart burns with hurt and anger.
Oh, it's a toughie.
This year I face similar battles, but since it's been over a year they are more brushed under the rug. I don't feel it's fair that I have to forgive and move on, but then again that's what the bigger person would do.
I feel like I'm always complaining or posting about this.
I am completely happy with my life, but I don't know who to talk to about this. I don't want to bother anyone with my complaining, I guess life is just hard and you gotta learn to suck it up.
Not everyone is going to love you and what you're doing all the time.
On the other hand, I do have quite a few good amazing friends and family who I know I can count on.
Sometimes I wish I could wake up and everything and everyone would be normal. I feel normal, I feel alive and blessed and at peace. But life or more memories tend to remind me that I shouldn't feel this way, and I am sinning and I am wrong.

This is all I have for tonight. I am so weak right now, I am unable to brush off the thoughts.

Sunday, November 29, 2009

It's Christmas In My World At Last




Few shots of the very eventful day! I love Christmas time, can you tell?

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Top Things To Do At Christmas


Hello everyone,

So as of today I've decided on a list of events Glen and I will do until Christmas day. Here's the list so far, have any more ideas?? Post a comment!

1. Buy Tree&Decorate it with a tree party
2. Decorate Indoors more
3. Make Christmas treats & Christmas treat baskets
4. salt dough tree hangings
5. Christmas oranges
6. Got to Bethlehem in Parksville
7. Get Christmas Gifts
8. Wrap gifts together, make art out of the presents
9. Watch a Christmas Movie in Theaters
10.Get 2 Starbucks Christmas Mugs
11.Go Sledding
12.Build a Snowman
13.Write Christmas Cards
14.Walk down 5th street with a Latte at night
16.go for a drive a week before Christmas and look at all the lights
17.Han Mistletoe
18.Watch the New York Santa Claus Parade
19.Visit Santa at the Mall
20.Go Ice skating
21.Make a Ginger Bread house
22.fondue night

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Nothing At All.


Well, I thought I should post something since it's been a week or so.. I've just had nothing to blog. I've gone no where exciting, done nothing really amazing..
Over the past week it's been a roller coaster, with financial's and all...
We've spent tons of time with family, and watched lots of movies. Did I mention the two HUGE storms we endured?
Starting with the first storm, when did it hit, last Sunday night? Huge, it not only flooded the Comox Valley, but lots of store owners found themselves out of work Monday morning due to flooding.
The mayor claimed Monday morning that it was a "State Of Emergency".
Then, Wednesday afternoon the second storm hit, I'm surprised that we made it home by car. The winds were blowing our car left and the rain was coming in sheets, we couldn't see 5 feet ahead of us.
We then proceeded to get home in which we had no groceries, so we either pay 20 bucks for a Large Cheese Pizza, or we head to the store in the storm to get some real food.
We chose the real food. Bad choice? Yes.
From the previous storm our car engine had been flooded, so we needed to put a tarp under the hood every time we parked, so it would start again. We pulled into the Superstore parking lot, and glen put the tarp on, and the wind slammed the hood shut.
We went in, and did our 1.5 hour shop, came out loaded the car.. and to our surprise we couldn't open the hood.
So, glen was out pulling and cutting the tarp out from under the hood. He couldn't get it all so we decided just to drive with it partially under. Me being a worry freak, I was crying the whole way home thinking we were going to die.
We actually arrived home safely, and the hood decided to pop open for us when we got home.
We got our car fixed a few days after that!


If that wasn't a great story, then I don't have anything else. My mom and I recovered my Glider I bought off Mom Swap. It looks fantastic..

This blog is beyond horrible.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Blessed to be Blessed.


It's funny how things work out when you least expect it? It's funny how we stress and worry about things we can't control, and in the end of the day it usually works itself out.
Our car recently broke down, after putting a huge chunk of cash into it in August, and new snow tires on it a month ago..
We were stressed out, it's fine if it would of broke down a week ago, or in a week.. but since it came at a bad time we were strapped.
The engine wont work when it's wet, so basically it was a NEED that we got it fixed asap.
Yes, it does rain quite a bit in BC, but Campbell River is a little over the top!
I wont say how we are going to be fixing it, I will just say Glen is smart and a hard worker!
Thank Goodness for blessings.

P.S here's a shot from the mtn (if you're not on facebook already to see it)

Friday, November 13, 2009

Baby-a-Crazy!

So I was talking to a friend and she said this might be helpful. I'm not sure how many family members will be reading my blog. But as for baby showers go, here's a list of things I will be in need of. I plan to buy most of it myself because I'm not sure how practical baby showers are as I've never experienced or had one.
So let me start off the list with a crib.

We indeed have one now, but there has been this one at Liquidation World in Campbell River, I believe there is a black and a creme/white. They are super chic/modern looking and I was going to replace my 25 dollar crib with this baby.
I ideally wanted everyone to pitch in money for this crib, it prices at 289.99, but ideally people probably want to buy individual presents, so that might have to be a expense out of my own pocket.


I need a baby video Monitor, Baby bath stuff; shampoo, soap
Baby Diapers, Wipes and accessories.


Things I already have:
Lots of clothes, although if you want to get me something from my registry on babygap.com, you can too.
Jumperoo, Baby vibrating chair, Car seat, swing, bumbo, bumper pads, cribskirt and sheets, Nursing cover, jogging stroller, stroller, rain cover, bottles, Crib mattress, two pairs of ugg boots (so NO shoes as they wont be worn), baby bath, binky and soothers.

I understand if my 'need' list exceeds what will be given, I am just giving a general outline of what you can gift me if you don't know what to get! Or, you can get whatever you want.. if you get anything!

Cute baby blankets, toys and socks and such.
Remember Paayton is a manly little boy!

Monday, November 9, 2009

Christmas Oranges & Shortbread Cookies!



Tonight was a delight- like how I rhymed the first sentence?
So it was, and we decided to make Christmas oranges. You poke cloves into Navel Oranges and put them in a dish after, they smell SO good..
Gotta find a place for them though.

Tomorrow I will be trying my hand at Shortbread Cookies. This are perfect. Normally I don't eat any because of their super high fat/butter content, but this year it doesn't matter!

Sorry for this very informatory blog, but I have nothing really important to rant or rave about!

Talk soon!

Saturday, November 7, 2009

Little Baby BOY, Paayton.



Only 26 weeks and 2 days old, but this little man looks so chubby already! He was curled up for most of the 3D ultrasound, which is a change.. normally he's kicking non stop!
Here's a few shots of his little face, hands and feet!

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Christmas Starbucks


Why is a multi-billion dollar industry, latte so important to me? Because they actually have a quality taste, and sparkle.
Every year, I usually put my fake tree up the first weekend of November. The same night, I usually skip down to the nearest Starbucks and buy my very first Christmas Drink of the year. I usually pick a Soy Gingerbread Latte, and then go home with it and sit in front of my tree.
This year is a bit different, it's the first year in 4 years I've not had a fake tree.. so, we will be getting our tree on the 29th of November instead.
Glen and I will be going to Starbucks tonight to drop the dollar, like the rest of North America on a drink that will warm our bellies, and bring the Christmas spirit even closer..
I will post pictures soon of our rendezvous!


PS. Little update: Forgot to bring the cam, too much going on tonight! But, Glen got a Grande Gingerbread Latte, which he went "MMMM", first sip. I got a Soy Peppermint Mocha. It made me fall in love with Christmas all over again!

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Money Isn't The Issue.


One of the main figures in our lives is rich. Worldly Rich is defined by circulating lots of money and spending it on bigger and better things.
Looking up the definition it came up with, " Possessing great material wealth".
This person is run by money, so much so that he doesn't understand what it's like to live simple.
Instead of getting a 32" T.V, you shouldn't settle for.. you need minimum 37".
This person is angry, stressed and always working. Shouldn't money make mankind happy? Money is used to support, but also to spend on valuables that we don't really need as humans, we just want.
Money can be scary, used for drugs, sex and gambling. It can run your mind, it can ruin your life and if not creating enough, living paycheck to paycheck can hurt your self being.
So, what is money good for? Money is meant for the wise. It's meant to be used wisely. First paying off all your expenses and then put the rest into assets and bonds.
But the funny thing is, is that most 'rich people' really aren't rich. They think that since they make the big bucks, they can buy the big items, and intern, they aren't buying assets but liabilities.
Liabilities might make you short term happy, but what really makes you happy in life?
Money? No.
-Family
-Friends
-Pets, and so on.

This person I know is continually lecturing us on how our supply isn't "bountiful", but in reality we make quite a bit, just not enough to buy 37" Flat screens, hottubs, brand new cars etc.
But why do you need that stuff anyways? Our Volvo has no problems, and runs great! Our 32" is great for our small living room, and face it, pregnant women can't go in hot tubs anyways!

So, in conclusion, this blog may not make sense because I would rather not go into too much detail. But it's a pressing issue on my mind. I have been completely content and at peace in my life, why try to change that with bigger or better things?
We should all know by this point bigger and better things do not make mankind happy.
Maybe money is covering up the greater issue that you have problems in your life. If you need to continually buy things to make you happy, maybe you really weren't happy to begin with.

Love and Peace.

Friday, October 30, 2009

So Blessed


So blessed, it has come to my attention that this time last year I was not so happy. In fact thoughts of suicide has crossed my mind. I was lost, helpless and lonely.
Parts of me can't believe it's been a year, and other parts don't even remember was like before this year.
As I was sitting at my fireplace, with a tea in hand, and puppy laying on floor beside me, I thought, I really have nothing to complain about.
Life has been so good to me. Last year, was a different story, I blamed my partying, disrespect and careless attitude for my pain and numbness I felt.
I wouldn't wish that feeling of death to anyone, but I can say it makes me happy now that someone as weak and little as me can go through something so terrible and make it through a better person. Sometimes God makes us go through the worst possible things so he can open our eyes to things in our lives that really wont get fixed otherwise.
This year I have a wonderful cozy townhouse on the beach. With hard winds whistling at the house, and rain that pounds the skylight, I am so thankful that I have a warm house of my own that isn't infested in spiders!
Thankful for Glen, a man who has been there for me as a friend, and a love and a crutch. He has taken on all my hurt and given me a fresh air, a new perspective. He has taught me to be more patient and love. Glen is absolutely amazing, I don't know what I would have done in this last year without him.
Anyone who thinks differently of him must be crazy. He's the most understanding, patient and loving person I have ever met! He listens to all my problems and understands me. I have cried on him way too many times to count and without him, I don't know if I would be as stable as I am today.
My puppy, Chloe. People say that dogs understand you, and can feel when you are upset and sad. This is true, Chloe has not only been a friend to me this whole last year, but she always snuggles with me when she feels I'm sad. She has gone over the top to provide me love before I even thought about caring to her needs.
My family, although this past year I haven't liked them at points, only because they gave me advice that I didn't like. They are one of the biggest blessings in my life. I am blessed with parents who love each other very much, with a two brothers and a sister who have also had loss, and supported me this whole year. I love my family, and I'm glad they are always there when I need them, or just need a cookie!
My few friends who have stood ground with me throughout this whole ordeal, you know who you are, well at least I hope you do. Because I love you, you all are so different, but you all have loved and held me over the last year, and I love you.
My possessions. I have nice things.
and last but not least, my 25 week old baby. Something I definitely didn't want at first, but it's going to be one of the biggest blessings that I will ever experience.
I was always taught that sex before marriage was bad, and it is.
But in this last year, I could really care less about what was wrong and right. Keeping my head above water was all I really cared about. Surviving.
I have vowed to keep pure until marriage, and that was said a few weeks after I got pregnant.
It's been 6 whole months, and I'm proud of myself. It will be quite a bit longer but it's the right thing to do, and I want to start doing the right things.
I let my past experiences define me. I let my pain be my excuse to not follow the rules.
So, this blog is in tribute to a whole year, as of October 26, 2008. I wanted to say to all who have been with me and supported me, I love you. Thank you.
I may have disappointed you, but you still loved me.

PS. My 'blessings' aren't in order..don't feel sad if you're at the bottom!

I can remember a particular time, 3 weeks after J left, I had to go finish packing up the house in Campbell River, and my brother Josh drove me there... he helped me pack even though it wasn't a great job.. and he let me cry on him.
This makes me cry because it reminds me of how awesome a family I have. I can't remember where Josh was, but J left me on Saturday night, of course I didn't find out until Sunday morning. But Josh got home from something he had been at all weekend, and when he came in the door that night, he started crying and gave me a hug.
He felt my pain, and he didn't want me to hurt. He said " I'm only crying because it hurts me to see you in pain"
The gets me every time. Wow, to have a brother who cares about you that much, is a great feeling.

Another time, a few weeks after Josh left, my mom put me to bed. When I used to live at the house, she would usually always sing me to sleep. "You Are My Sunshine", and when I came back, she would sing this to me every night, and I remember one night she sung it to me, and she cried the whole song, and I cried with her.

Another time, my mom had gone to Winnipeg, this was a week after J had left. At this point, I was a mess. I didn't feel like leaving the house, and I kept on going through emotions of hurt, anger, pain, sadness, feeling OK.. and then back.
I remember one night, I was crying really hard, and my dad came over and cried with me and held me for a long time. He told me that the this was the most pain he had ever been through because it hurt so much to see his own daughter go through something so tough. He wanted to fix it for me, but he couldn't.

The same night Josh came home. The FitzGerald's were at my house, and I was in a complete mess. My auntie Lorri cried with me, and held me. She has always been a good friend, aunt and someone I've looked up to in my life.
She's like a sister or another mom.. something along those lines.


I love my family.

I wanted to share one about my friend Erica too. Erica and Matt, they have always been there for me, although I have pushed them away it was too painful to see them..
But, about 3 weeks after J left, I went and stayed at Erica's house for a few nights, and she let me talk and talk and talk to her about every detail, she let me cry with her.
She helped me pack up my whole entire house, days after Josh left. She was about 5 months pregnant at this time, but still put me first.
They even were mad with me, and tried to contact him.. they were right there, and the best I could of asked for.

Becky, when I moved back to Courtenay was always there too, in a different way. She took my mind of my problems and made me have fun in the midst of my pain.
I love you, girlfriend!

Okay, and if I didn't list you.. many others did little things in the last year to get me through.

THANK YOU! I've made a year because of God, You, and Counseling.

xo

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

H1N1


As many have heard/seen over the last little bit, news, government and heath practitioners have been buzzing about this new formulated H1N1 shot.
This shot has not been tested, and as the first to get it will be Eldery and Pregnant Women, or those with underlying heath issues.
I personally am on the fence about this new drug, but am more leaning to NOT getting it.
I've been researching for hours and days regarding this drug and no one can give me a stable answer. Most say "It's OK, but we don't know for sure", reading forums where thousands of pregnant women or women who have newly given birth have left posts like this:
"I’m 25 weeks pregnant and I am NOT getting the H1N1 Vaccination or the regular flu shot. I personally think that the doctors and health care professionals who are giving pregnant woman the OK to get the vaccination don’t know what the hell their talking about! They don't know for 100% reassured FACT that there will be no affects on your unborn baby,either while your pregnant or later on down the road.They don’t know! It’s a brand new vaccine and I don’t trust it! I feel the news is making it such a huge issue which is stressing people out and making them more prone to getting sick. The governments behind all this. I have my reasoning's, I won’t get into that. I wouldn’t get the vaccination" , and that was only one of the thousands posted. I read about 53 through before shutting the forum down.
It's just so unreliable. On one case it would be good to take the shot so in case I do come in contact with a bug I can live easy knowing that there is a 75% I wont get infected. But on the other note, the drug is packed with so many bad things; mercury, thimerosal and various other complicating unsafe elements.

Most say it's important that I as a pregnant woman take the shot, but have you really done your research? This drug can be scary, and no one knows the outcome yet. I would rather take my odds, than have a baby born with birth defects!
It would be so much easier if the health industry was to have tested this long before, and then all pregnant women would be at ease knowing that not only they are protecting themselves from this flu pandemic, but also putting a safe dose of flu preventative into their body.

There are articles like this one:
http://www.startribune.com/opinion/commentary/64048922.html?page=2&c=y
and
http://www.groundreport.com/Business/Can-H1N1-flu-virus-in-pregnancy-change-the-genes-i/2909720
are just a few i picked out of the hundreds that make me wonder why people aren't doing their research but instead, marching down to the labs to have their body poked with this scary concoction.
Needless to say, I am almost 90% sure that this drug will not be entering my body. Say what you want, but who is to say that it will even stop me from getting the flu, if I catch it?

ENTER my poll on the left side of this page and let me know your thoughts

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Bye Bye Dairy.


Bye Bye Dairy.

This post is kind of odd, but maybe more of a tutorial type thing. I've had mild problem skin probably since grade 9, and then when I moved away to Vancouver I immediately cut out lots of items, and I not only lost 26 pounds, but my skin was clear that whole 2.5 years of living there.
Once I moved back to the Island I started getting back into my old lifestyle of eating. Wheat, lots of dairy an junk..
This past year I've started to break out again, and there was no cause for it. Only that I started to eat tons of dairy.
I love dairy, I could live off 2% milk, German Butter Cheese, butter, feta etc..
So, a few weeks back I got a bad cold, and I didn't eat any dairy for that whole 8 days, and I completely clear up. Then once my cold went away, I decided I wanted a 1/2 L of Chocolate Milk, and immediately the next morning I woke up with 2 new friends.
So, since then I've cut out dairy, it's been about a week and a half now, and no new friends.
I started doing some research on it the other day as well, and there are so many cases of people having bad skin, and cutting out dairy and it immediately clearing up.
Anyways, its not too hard, I just have to get over my cravings. Today I made Tomato Soup with Rice Milk, and it tasted no different.
I bought Soy Cheddar and Mozza Cheese, and my last month of Starbucks runs have been soy lattes.
Not only has this cleared up my face, but my tummy doesn't make weird sounds and feelings now. I feel better!

Goodbye Dairy, I no longer need you in my life. I'm breaking up with you.

Monday, October 26, 2009



Well, I told you that I would have some amazing posts for today, but I lied.
Glen and I left at 8 am for Chesterman Beach, but as we were about 85 Km from the 'rim' we decided to turn around and go to Nanaimo instead.
After we passed through Port Alberni, we drove about 40 minutes on the Highway to Tofino, and it kept raining and raining, harder and harder. Until we couldn't see 5 feet in front of us. For two people who wern't going to be surfing that day, with a shaved dog, we decided against taking our chances to see if the weather was different through the mountain pass.
So, we headed back and spent the day in the Woodgrove mall, looking at baby stuff, Greek wraps and lots of surf stores!
It definitely wasn't as fun as going to Tofino all day and watching a Surf Competition, but we were warm and together.
Chloe on the other hand wasn't too impressed to stay snuggled in the car in a giant comforter all day, but she would of been happy to know that she wasn't soaked to the bone.
We will be re-attempting our Tofino trip probably in a couple weeks, but as for this weekend we still had lots of fun!
Glen bought me 147.03 of Thyme Maternity tops, but instead of paying that, we got them for 26.27 ( 3 tops ), sale racks are amazing.
So that sums it up, sorry that I have nothing exciting to say.

Saturday, October 24, 2009

I should have a few exciting blogs to come this weekend as we've packed our weekend with much scenery and driving. But for now I just wanted to share with you. Exactly two weeks until we find out what baby is!
SO excited. YAY!

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Excitement is growing as I anticipate the future. I try to live for the day, instead of the future, but it's hard when you have so many good things coming!
First off, on November 7th, I find out the sex of my baby. This is a huge one, it's not only been so hard to be patient, but once I find out, I finally know who is inside of me.
Paayton Harlow or Grey Shilo. Mommy's little man, or daddy's little girl?

Second, on November 17th, John Mayer's album, Battle Studies, will be hitting the shelves. This is nice because if you know me, you know I constantly have John Mayer on replay, and if you live with me it would be annoying. Glen is always telling me to turn John Mayer off.. after hearing the same songs over and over, i'm sure it gets repetitive!

Third, December 5th, Glen and I are going to pick out our large Pine Christmas Tree!


There are quite a few little things in between that excite me as well, but here are a few things that I have no patience for.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Baby Talk

So this Friday I am 6 months pregnant! 1 week to go after and I enter the 3rd trimester of pregnancy!
The one fun thing about pregnancy is that you get to dream and get excited about little things. Like what your baby will look like, what sex it will be, what day it will be born. Things you will buy, where you will take your baby. Basically it's a dreaming period, and it's kinda fun!
I was on Baby Gap and found the cutest little outfits. I am so excited to dress something other than myself.
Check out these ridiculously adorable items.




















































Love baby items. Always have, and now I get to buy them!

PS. put a few Christmas Light in our backyard last night, so cozy. 64 days until Christamas, ya'll!

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Autumn




















Wow, did I mention how amazing Fall is? Today Glen and I decided to take a hike @ Elk Falls. Not only is it a money saver, the baby needs the exercise!
I can't believe what we as people take forgranted. We live in one of the most beautiful provinces, and yet we don't step outside!
Today was definitely a eye opener. The 2.5 hike was well worth it. The colors and smell of pine and outdoors move right to my core and make me feel so alive!
Chloe not only had the time of her life, but almost fell down a steep cliff. Such a curious little girl!
Glen and I have decided to pick a trail each week and walk it. It's so good to get to know your outdoors. I can say that I haven't been the most active in the last 6 months, but I plan to incorporate a lot of outdoorsy activities into my family!
Check out my photo's on Facebook--we took over 168!

Get outside!

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Friendship.


Does anyone else feel like friends come and go? It seems like every year I have a new set of friends, and even the ones I have had for years, are living far away, out of reach.
I've talked to a few people with the same issues and it makes no sense. Do people simply become to busy to care anymore, or does lifestyles become un-mashed?
A friend means that I can tell her/him anything, and I expect the same in return.
I expect to be able to cry, and be real with them. Does life not offer this type of a friend anymore? Or are they the people you only see in movie's now?
It's something that presses in on my mind frequently. I don't know quite how to deal with it either.
Any ideas?

Thankful Dinner


























Dear Readers,

Sorry it's been forever since I posted a blog. Friday night I came down with a terrible cold. Can you believe that? Right before my Five Thanksgiving Dinners started.. I was SO disappointed. Not only is thanksgiving one of my favorites but I wasn't able to enjoy it because not only am I pregnant, but I had a plugged nose and sore throat.
For those who haven't been pregnant, your stomach seems to shrink and gets squished, so I ate about half of what I ate last year.
Thanksgiving is so great! Family, Food and Fun. What more could a girl ask for?
This year I decided to cook my own dinner because since I can't eat much at each meal, I wanted leftovers so I can snag some Pot's or Stuffing whenever my little tummy feels the desire!
If you feel the urge to comment, do so! Tell me how your Thanksgiving Dinners were!

Thursday, October 8, 2009


I have no idea what I am going to blog about today. I have a bunch of thoughts buzzing around my head! A friend, who lives in Morinville, AB- got snow, and I believe it's STILL snowing over there. How is that for luck and happiness?
Most of you know, if you know me well, that I spend hours watching the Weather Network, and countless days praying and hoping we get snow. No idea why, I just love it. It's probably one of the most amazing, and purest forms of love that this earth can give us!
Last year, I could care less because I wasn't awake enough to realize it. But we received snow for pretty much 2 months straight. There was always snow, and the best part? There was SNOW on Christmas!
I remember actually being frustrated that I had to walk home in knee high snow, but then realizing that it's my favorite and falling in love all over.
Although last year the snow was so dry we couldn't even make snow balls out of it!
I got a little excited seeing the first glimpse of snow. It's not like being unattached. Living 2.5 hours from Morinville makes me feel a little more connected to their snowfall, and it makes me appreciate, what if I was still there.
Wow. I can completely agree that this blog is about nothing!

Tuesday, October 6, 2009


Redemption, what does it mean to most of you? I just read a friends blog, and it got me thinking about this.
What does one have to do do be redeemed, forgiven, wiped clean? I guess it depends on what person you ask. You could ask a Spiritual Person and they would tell you that you need to ask God's forgiveness and it will be wiped away forever. Or you could ask a non-spiritual person and they would pretty much say the same thing, minus God.
I was wondering how come, if both people, who believe in different things believe the same thing, then how come redemption is so hard come by?

As many of you know I've been going to counseling for the last few months, not because I am "so messed up", because I'm not. I am going to get rid of the anger I have against a few spiritual people.
I have it in my head that I am redeemed. I have made many mistakes in the past, but don't we all? We do everyday. So who is to judge?
I have made it a path for myself as of now, and since I moved to Campbell River, to live a honest, pure and honoring life.
So does this mean that those spiritual friends, followers, leaders should bring my past with me, and treat me as the same a before?
God sais, let her slate be wiped clean. This doesn't mean I haven't done those things, but it means they don't affect my future, they affect my past!
Why do we so often live in the past? Is it that we like to feel resentment towards another?

In the last year, I have lost quite a few friends, because of my crazy so called lifestyle.
-Partying
-Care Free Lifestyle
-Martial Status

and many others, but the true and honest friends and family have stuck by me. It makes me sad sometimes to remember me before I "lost to the world", but then you realize that they were never really there for you in the first place.

Writing this post I am a tad angry. Just a little bit though, maybe a 3. I feel that we as people shouldn't validate ourselves by good looks, a clean life in church and a quiet mouth. What would our world be? It would be heaven! Things happen that shape us all, and we learn to go on and live. It reshapes us, not always for the better, but in some cases it's positive.
I have learnt that everyday is a new day. Today's worries are are tomorrows. I have learnt to but silent in Judging others, because it hurts and most of the time it's completely off course. I have learnt to be caring and loving even when I don't feel the need to. I have learnt to reshape my selfish nature into a more patient and giving nature. I have learnt to be patient..and the list goes on.
But it's a ongoing process. It hurts, but it brings you to even better grounds!

So for those of you who can't accept me back in your life, you are loosing. Loosing the battle of forgiveness.

That brings me to another point. How did I directly hurt you? --and maybe it's time to book another counseling appointment.

Monday, October 5, 2009

The Worst Pregnancy Ever..!


Well, those who have been pregnant (most), understand the title. Before you get pregnant people say being pregnant was amazing, and wonderful. A time of patience and rest. They say you feel amazing, hair, skin, body and soul. The story on it is that it's fun, the worst part is giving birth.
Well this is definitely not what Myself, and many others think.

The other day I was talking to my friend who gave birth to her beautiful baby girl Seven months ago, and she was saying that the bad is never talked about, and people never tell you... and when you actually are put in the situation, boom, you find out!
Being pregnant is not easy at all, and the easiest part? Your emotions. The media sais this is one of the only downfalls of pregnancy's dazzle.
From the start I've had bad morning sickness, lost 19 pounds in the first four months, and then I went from morning sickness to such bad back and rib and neck pain. No appetite, dizziness, fluid loss at all times of the day and night ( I wont go into that one, but it's not peeing ), my skin hasn't been all that pregnancy cracks it up to be, and the most unpleasant thing is you constantly feel depressed and overly exhausted, and you don't feel like leaving your couch--always achy and you feel gross.
That explains a pregnancy. Well, the few I know about and mine. This doesn't mean I'm not happy though, you learn to work through it all. After 5.5 months of dealing with being sick everyday, soon it becomes normal and you learn to laugh and do normal things again.

Today I awoke for the 18th time to have the worst back, neck and joint pain--ever. I also woke up and thought I was loosing the baby because my whole stomach felt like it was going to explode, it was extremely tight and I couldn't feel anything moving.
Is that good for complaining? So, if you ever ask me how I feel, this is it. But I usually will say, great. Because emotionally and mentally I am, and this will ALL be worth it in 4 months!
So what's the easy part? There isn't really any, just make sure you love kids before you think of getting pregnant, because it will always be busy and hard from here on out!
Love you Baby!

Friday, October 2, 2009

Dry Shampoo, Streaks and Shinny hair!


Hello everyone!

I have nothing really important to blog about today so let me show you what I got up to!I decided to put a few more blond streaks in my hair, every year I go blond, and totally blond by about Christmas time.. so here is my first attempt!
Also, if you keep reading I have a amazing shinny Hair secret!





Shinny Hair:

You're recommended to only wash you hair once-twice a week. This may be hard, but back when I lived in Van I came across this AMAZING product that does wonders. It's Dry Shampoo. What happens is you spray this product on your roots, like hair spray, but it sprays on like air, and immediately it takes away the grease! I once went 9 days without washing my hair, and I have semi-greasy hair!
I used " Big Sexy Hair " for 32.99, but you can get products like "Batiste"- and this can usually be found in Regular drug stores for a fraction of the price, 7.99.
I just bought a can a week ago.



BUT

When you do wash your hair this is the regime:

Soak your head, put the conditioner on first, let sit for 2 minutes, then put the shampoo JUST on your roots, while the conditioner is still on, and rinse..
I did that for the first time today and my hair is amazing..
It's also good for your hair because it keeps the natural oils on your head, but still cleaning your dirty roots!

Try it and let me know how it goes!

xoxo

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Canada Trust



Well, my daily blog for the day is actually from last night. I was appalled that I was treated in such a way, and apparently for no reason.
Glen previously, switched to a different Bank, which I will choose to leave anonymous, and closed his account with TD.
Glen had gone to cash his cheque at his bank, when he realized it closes at 4:00, a sad time, since most banks are at least open until 5. So no big deal, I said he could sign the cheque in TD, and we could cash it through my account. I first off didn't see how this was a big deal since I had done this many times through various other accounts when I didn't have one, AND, because Glen and I have a joint savings account through our banks.
But, this isn't even the problem. We walked up to the counter and she was a complete rude. Without even looking at us she asked for me to put my card in the machine ( in a very rude tone) and then when I was done pushing in my pin, she told me that I could of taken it out.
Proceeding, she was completely rude to Glen, and basically what we got out of it was she wouldn't cash the cheque because it looked fraudulent.
He gave her 3 pieces of ID, and even gave his Employer's Cell and home phone to call.
In this she looked at us and said, "there's really nothing I want to do"
So, holding our tongues we didn't say a word, just walked straight out.

Now, it probably doesn't sound rude, but It's hard to state tones over a blog. I felt really upset that I was treated in such a way.
I don't know if this young girl was having a bad day, but I didn't see why we had to be treated in such a way.
I could go on, but stated blankly, I will be switching banks. I am tired of ridiculous fees and calls to my home phone asking if I want a upgrade.
No thanks, TD, you hired a keeper!

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Luke.



As, not many know. Last night Glen came home with a totally black, blue-eyed kitten. I thought it would be fun to have a cat around to entertain Chloe and myself for the next few weeks.
We were asked if we wanted to foster a kitten. So, that's just what we're doing. Through Woofy's, Willow Point. We've fostered a 8 week old, black kitten. We named him Luke, and I'm not sure how long we keep him.
It depends, it could turn in to long term-forever. Or short term. Regardless, we're glad we can help at least one other sad, homeless animal out.
He's really smart, and is already adapting.
At first, he hated chloe. But now they are playing together, and he is currently sleeping on my lap.
What a good little boy.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Starbucks Feelings.


I don't know why, but Starbucks makes me feel comforted. I was trying to think about why, when I go and buy a cup of Starbucks I feel comforted, nearer to family and whole.. and it was because of this:
When I lived in Downtown Vancouver, I lived directly across from a Starbucks. One of which I used to hit at least once a day, maybe twice.
There were always friendly faces in there, and they knew me by name. I love it. In a big huge city where I felt quite alone most of the time.. I had familiarity and someone to talk to.
Coming back to the Island, I almost completely cut off the urge to grab a Starbucks.. and now as I have been grabbing a few more once or twice a month.. I sit down with a steaming cup of " Pumpkin Spice" and I feel like I'm really indulging myself. The old feelings of comfort return in full force.
I love it.
Do you ever miss previous years or feelings? Even if they were hard years. You seemed to drive yourself further and harder?
So, this is my rant for the day. Not really sure how to explain it further.. but if you sit back and think about a period you miss in your life, and you don't quite know why, this is what my Starbucks Feeling is like.

Go grab yourself a Starbucks!

Saturday, September 26, 2009

You're Mine.



Sitting here listening to this song " I'm Yours" By Jason Mraz, you've heard it.
Well, right after A-Hole left I was determined to learn this song on my guitar. Very easy, it's 4 chords the whole song, and a very hawaiiany, type song. Love it.
I learnt it, and then I learnt it on the Piano.. I've done a Acoustic, Classical, Accapela and various other takes of it.
But it reminds me of everything i've overcome. Thinking back it hurts me, not because it hurts me to think of what happened, but to think of me state. The pain one goes through to let go, and to learn to remold itself. It was such great pain, at times I wanted to not go on.
I don't want anyone to have to go through this pain, but now that it's been a whole year later I can say that it's done me so much good as well.
Not only am I a better Jess, but I have learnt so much, I'm stronger and more capable of being by myself.
I have found a wonderful man. I wasn't looking for a partnership through all this, but it happened.. and I can say he's one of the best there is. He treats me as I've never been treated, I've learnt to respect, because a good person only deserves respect.. and I have learnt what love means.
I'm continuing to grow and learn, and stretch( literally heheh)But in this process God has my hand and is showing me right from wrong.
It's been a horrible process but we sometimes have to go through it.

Here's the lyrics to "I'm Yours" -Enjoy

Well you done done me and you bet I felt it
I tried to be chill but you're so hot that I melted
I fell right through the cracks, now I'm trying to get back

Before the cool done run out I'll be giving it my bestest
And nothing's going to stop me but divine intervention
I reckon it's again my turn to win some or learn some

But I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait, I'm yours

Well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you're free
Look into your heart and you'll find love love love love

Listen to the music of the moment people, dance and sing
We're just one big family
And it's our God-forsaken right to be loved loved loved loved loved

So I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait, I'm sure
There's no need to complicate, our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours

D-d-do do you, but do you, d-d-do
But do you want to come on
Scooch on over closer dear
And I will nibble your ear

I've been spending way too long checking my tongue in the mirror
And bending over backwards just to try to see it clearer
But my breath fogged up the glass
And so I drew a new face and I laughed

I guess what I be saying is there ain't no better reason
To rid yourself of vanities and just go with the seasons
It's what we aim to do, our name is our virtue

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Shop Till Ya drop.


O.K. Guys, I promise tomorrow I will have a real blog for you, I promise! Today I spent the day with my Aunt Lisa, it was too fun! We went into Courtenay and went looking for good deals, designs and food. Carderos is definitely yummy. I would have to say a tie with Starbucks?!
So, my day was very very busy! But here's something I bought today. I thought this print was super cute.
Do you?

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

I Did It!



I finally bought the materials for my headboard. The hardest part was finding all the materials!
I'm a tad embarrassed to show you this room, it's not done yet.. a work in progress.. I hope to have his room done in a month or so. But look at the headboard!