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Thursday, January 14, 2010

My Baby Shower!





So last night one of my best friends, Erica, blessed me with a beautiful baby shower! I don't have any photos from the night yet, but here's a few shots of ALL of the gifts I was blessed with..
Baby Paayton definitely is well stocked! Also, my mom bought me a Camo Hat and Diaper Geenie as well as a "Mommy Pack" with gels, pads, oils etc for when the baby gets here!
I feel so blessed, I can't say it enough.. Here are a few shots of all the goodies I got!
I will upload some photos of the night once I get them.

Thank you to all who came to my shower!!! It meant the world to me, it was fun.. and good to have you all there to celebrate Paayton's soon-to-be life!

Monday, January 11, 2010

what comes with rain and drains with the rain.

So, waking up today I wasn't exceptionally sad, nor was I exceptionally happy. I was neutral. It's a feeling as there is nothing to look forward to, nothing to be upset about, and nothing to be excited about.
I feel fat, and emotionally out of control and I feel ungrounded.
Maybe those thoughts come with being almost 36 weeks pregnant, but I can't help but feel like my life has now ended and I have no way out.
At the end of the month Glen and I have to move to the Comox Valley as living in Campbell River is not only unpractical but expensive. Living itself here is cheap, but the gas costs, cell phone bills etc have been too high to continue on with.
Glen is now working 6-7 days a week in Comox, so piled with his 10 hour work day, he has 2 hours of driving to do as well.
I can't help and feel a bit stressed out. What if Paayton decides to come out before we move?
Ontop of that we can't find a decent place to move into. For the last month Craigslist has been circulating the same crappy places. I will miss my friends and family in Campbell River. I love it here..The Comox valley represents depression and a dead hole to me. I just don't feel like trying to feel comfortable there.
Life is so frustrating. Just when you feel content and in love with you life, it gets pulled out from underneath you and you have to start over.
Maybe these thoughts come with the hard rain and heavy winds that circle my little house today.. or maybe I'm just tired.
Last week I had a scare with my placenta coming off my utarian wall, and I was in and out of the hospital quite a bit. I will be heading back in tonight, and again on Thursday for another rush ultrasound. Maybe Birth stresses me out a bit too.. I don't deal with pain well. As much as I want to meet Paayton, what if I am a terrible mom?
It's stated on babycenter.com that 2 out of 5 moms will experience postpartum depression BEFORE the baby arrives. Maybe that can explain everything?
I'm not complaining, but we've had a rough go in the last couple of months.. and I just want to relax.
Well, as this is a negative post, I'm sorry. I just needed to get some things off of my chest. Isn't that what blogs are for?